How long does it take for a stream to create a crevice in a rock, and at what point can you tell that there has been a change in the stone? The slow, almost imperceptible erosion of the stone by the water over time seems like nothing, but after years or decades, the stone is cut in two, and what once was stout and resolute is no longer whole.
There is something that has been wearing against me lately, and it comes up a lot during worship, specifically during singing.
Singing, and by extension music, is incredibly powerful. Singing can move me and speak to me in ways that even the best of speakers can't touch. There's something about the way music can bring out our emotions and influence the way we respond to so many things. I am crushed by the song Where Joy and Sorrow Meet; it reminds me of the cost of my homecoming and that my restoration has come through pain and grief. I am amazed at the Magnificat; why would He be mindful of someone like me, and what makes the Maker of all creation take notice of me? These are the songs that worship and adore the Creator; they flow correctly to the Maker. Worship is meant to drive me back to the Creator and remind me of all the things that are only found in His presence. The best of these songs praise Him, and in so doing remind me of how indescribable He is.
I was struggling to identify what was wrong, but after several months of this feeling cutting at me, I realized something about many of the songs we have been singing during our services.
They were songs about me.
Not me personally, no one has ever written so much as a poem telling my epic tales, but they were songs that were largely about the one singing them. They had God in them, but He was not the focus of them. I had been singing a lot of songs that were talking about all the things that I had done, all the things that I had accomplished, all the things that I had done in God's name. Yes, I was singing that He was good, and yes, I was singing that He was helping me do those things, but the point of the songs was that I was the one doing them.
I realized that these songs were more widespread than I thought. They have lines and choruses that emphasize how much I have done for God. There's a focus on what I can do, or how I can act, or what work I have done. After some time, I started to notice that the stream of my worship was cutting into the core of my Faith, leaving me divided.
I have been singing to God, but I haven't been singing about Him.
I was telling Him that I chose Him, that I will do His will, that I am resolved to become what He has desired for me, that I am working diligently in His Kingdom. Me. I am singing to Him about all the good that I have done and will do for the Kingdom, when I am only a part of the Kingdom, because He came to the desolate place I was wandering through to draw me to Him. Yes, I agreed to join His Kingdom. He did not force me into His salvation, and I would still be proudly in rebellion if He had not shown me the way.
My worship has started to cut into my faith, leaving it divided.
The focus in singing during Worship should not be on myself or anyone else doing the singing. There is nothing worthy of praise found in me. I can only praise God because God has rescued me from myself. God is the one who has created the way of escape. He is the one who opened my eyes to see it. He is the one who made a way out of the choices of death that I made in my life. All of that was through His doing, not mine. I heard a line one time that I think bears repeating:
The only thing I contributed to my salvation was getting lost.
During a time dedicated to worship, when we have come together with each other with what we say is a specific purpose to praise, glorify, and worship the Creator of all things, that should be the main focus of what we sing. When I am in the presence of the One and Only Holy One, why would I sing anything about me? What have I done that is worthy of God's notice?
I worship Him because He is the only thing worthy of Worship. Nothing I do is praiseworthy, nothing else can be called good in any way when compared to Him.
These songs I have been singing have been pulling my focus away from God and pushing it towards something else. When I sing to God about all that He has done, there is a place for me to be in the songs as part of the Creation He has rescued. The subtle shift that happens is the problem: God has rescued me to His glory, not that I did anything to bring His notice. In fact, I can never do enough for Him to be impressed.
This subtle shifting of my focus, from praising the Living God to songs about how good it is for Him that I am a worker in His Kingdom, is the water cutting through the stone that is my Faith. My praise and worship is either about the Creator, or I have fallen into idolatry, putting something else in His place.